I want to have your abortion
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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