i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Randomize
