y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize