he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Houston, we have a blender
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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