i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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