I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
