i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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