never play flip cup with pint glasses
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
