You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize