i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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