This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
