Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
