well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
