somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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