Umm I'm too high to move.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize