we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
