I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize