You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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