dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize