Got a toothbrush?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize