Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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