Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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