I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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