You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
