i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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