Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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