i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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