I just pynch a tree in the face
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
