i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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