What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
