well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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