it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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