mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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