His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
