i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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