I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
