i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Too much gin, very little bucket
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize