I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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