the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
