you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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