Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
