Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
