I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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