Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize