Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
