Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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