I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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