I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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