So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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