Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
