Kiss
Puke
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
