she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
