i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
