how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
