We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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