At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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