If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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