shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
