I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
