You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize