holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
