You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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