I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
