You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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