I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
