How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
